I'm Nothing Without You - Klance Langst
by AquaSaph
Summary: Lance was always either flirting, laughing, or joking around. But inside? Inside he was broken, hurt, and regretful and homesick. He missed everything about his old home, and when his team blows up on him for the wrong reason, he loses it all. DISCLAIMER: includes suicidal thoughts and actions.


Lance's POV:

"I cannot believe it. I… I just can't even-" Pidge sighed.

"Lance. What was that?" Keith demanded.

Shiro was silent. This meant he was going to either explode or leave.

"Answer me," Keith said. "Why did you just- freeze up?"

_I __**didn't **__freeze up! You and Shiro we're about to be crushed, so I had to stop in front of you so you wouldn't get hurt! _He wanted to say.

"S-sorry," he said, unable to make eye contact.

"**SORRY...?!" **Shiro exclaimed. "What the frick do you mean by, 'sorry?' You idiot! Why did you just freeze up? We could have been killed! _Died! Because of __**you. **_I- I cannot believe you, Lance. Go to your room. Or go train. Anywhere where you're not up in my face, bitch."

_Useless_

_Freeze up_

_Could have died-_

_Your fault_

_Get out._

"I'm sorry, Shiro. I had to go in front of you, or else-"

"IN FRONT IF ME, HUH?! Then why did you say you let me be the leader? I-"

"_Shiro, _please, let me explain-" he was now begging, almost on his knees.

"Lance. My last warning."

"Shiro, I had to or else you could have died-'

"JUST SHUT UP!" Shiro screamed, slapping him across the face so hard that the sound echoes throughout the room.

Lance is about to cry. He feels the tears welling up inside him, his cheek burns from the pain and all he wanted that moment was his mom's arms around him to protect and comfort him.

Shiro's mad expression died down to horror. He had slapped him- with his Galran hand. "Lance, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, Shiro. It was my fault anyway. I'm going to go train. Far away, just as you like, sir."

And he didn't even say it as a joke.

"Lance-"

But he was already gone.

"Lance, you are a stupid, worthless piece of shi-"

He began, punching at the robot, hitting it so hard it leaves a dent.

"Lance, dinners at 6."

"I'm not hungry," he lies, refusing to make eye contact with Keith.

"You have to eat-"

"I'm fine, really. Have fun." He says while punching the bag next to him.

The moment Keith leaves, he heads over to his room, to stop.

And there, he cries.

He cries so much that his sleeves are soaked, his neck is sweaty and face is covered in snot. And he can't stop crying, the tears won't stop. They tumble out of his eyes in a continuous flow, not stopping.

He hears a knock on the door.

"One second," he sighs, and goes to wash his face and plants a smile on

"Shiro, what do you need?"

"Are… are you sure you're okay? I-"

Lance laughs, lying as he says, "I'm fine. Better than ever, really. I just skipped dinner because j think I had a little bug. That's all," he tries to go for a smile and says, "I'm fine."

Shiro feels a bit guilty because he sees purple and red swelling where he hit, and it's getting bigger.

"Ah… okay, Lance. I'm really, really sorry that I-"

"Shiro," Lance laughed. "I'm fine, really." He lied.

Shiro nods at him and closes his door. But the moment he leaves, Lance's facade fails, and he crumples down into a ball, burying his face in between his legs and hands, grateful for the sound-proof walls.

"W-why me, God?" He sobs, his voice a high shrill.

He cried throughout the night, holding onto his necklace and calling out for his mom. He cried.

The entire night.

And no one, no one noticed.

Because no one cares. No one cares about me, Lance cried.

He was just a replacement.

A side character.

Forgotten.

Useless.

Just a piece of trash that he was tossed aside because it wasn't a tool that was important to build something important.

_Everyone's always so happy when I'm gone..._

_Maybe I can just… _he thought, and grabbed a scalpel and dug it deep into his skin. It stung, burned, hurt, but his motivation was:

_They'll be better off without the blue Paladin._

And he dove the scalpel harder into his wrist, somewhat satisfying and blood poured out into the sink, giving him relief from the pain of the world. He wiped it up lightly and changed into a long-sleeved shirt, then drove the knife down his back, small of his neck and across his chest.

But it felt good.

He was fine.

Right?

The next morning, Lance did not wake up late. In fact, he was rather early and went to go join Allura, who was out on the balcony.

"Lance," she said, alarmed.

"Princess," he nodded, and bowed slightly. "I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about yesterday. I was up all night-"

He caught himself.

"...Throwing up because I felt really sick. I'm sorry I froze up, that was because my stomach suddenly hurt really bad."

"Lance, you could have told us!" Allura smiled, but her voice serious.

"I'm sorry, Allura. I'll try harder, I promise you." But what he said this time was the truth.

Try harder to die.

"Do you still have a temperature?" She said, feeling his forehead.

He backed away. "Yeah, a little, but I'll be ready by tomorrow, or even by lunch. I just need to get some rest," he went for a smile and started heading out the door.

"...Lance, are you lying?" She asked. "If it's not sickness and something's wrong, you can tell me," she smiled as she held his hand in a friendly way.

"I'm fine," Lance smiled, squeezing her hand. "I promise."

"...Okay, but if you really are sick, we should go take you to the room to check your stomach-"

"I'm fine, Allura. Don't worry about me,"

She sighed. "Well… I'm still thinking of taking you to the sickbay, but for now, you're free to go."

Lance smiled and left the balcony to go train.

Then he frowned at himself.

He looked at the cuts.

And the feelings came all over again.

"Starting: Level sequence 12,"

Lance got into his battle stance and stared at the robot hard in the eye, striking him with his blade so hard that it's smoking when he releases.

"Nice job, Lance!" Pidge exclaims.

But little do they know that he was just practicing how he would cut himself.

Lance headed back over to his room and picked up the blade. He first cut three times the small of his back, making sure the knife went hard enough that he would wince.

Then he cut across his chest, harder than the last as he watched the blood pour down into the sink, swirling in the water to make a dark pink.

Then his wrist.

He pretended that his wrist was the robot, he closed his eyes and thought, _my wrist is a robot. My wrist is a robot._

And before he could realize what he was doing, he slit his wrist so hard that blood immediately came out, pouring in an endless flow, leaving Lance with a sobbing, slobbery, homesick and curled up face; blood on his hands, and dripping bandages next to him.

It hurt, _so so _much to not tell anyone about it.

He wanted to die.

But the blade…? It hurt too much.

_Maybe I can just stop eating in general… and starve myself? No, that wouldn't work. _

"We need Voltron, now! One of the robeasts are attacking the castle!" Allura cried out.

Shoot.

Shoot, shoot, shoot.

Here he was, bleeding out, light-headed and sick to his stomach. But he managed to clean up the blood and hide his scars as he put on his suit to head to the pods.

"Lance, you're late. Again," Shiro sighed.

"Yeah, Lance! Don't be such a dead weight," Keith said, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

But for the first time, it bothered him.

"S-sorry,"

Keith was suspecting that something was up because Lance would have made a roast. _Maybe it's because he was sick. _Allura had told them that he had been throwing up last night.

Soon, Keith forgot about it as they started attacking the robeast.

"Lance, you find a way to freeze the robeasts legs so it can't move. Pidge, look for the main system. Keith, you burn that part of the system. Hunk, distract it. I'll help Lance in case he feels sick again," Shiro ordered.

_Oh, _he thought. _So she told everyone. _

"Thanks," Lance lied, as he blasted the ice straight for the robeast, but hit the castle instead. "S-sorry," he sighed.

_You're not good enough._

The voices said.

_Stupid._

_Useless_

_Fuck up._

"Lance, get it together!" Shiro ordered.

"You got it," he said, pained.

He tried again, but missed, as it got the robeast in the face instead.

"Lance! You had one job and you just messed it up!" Keith shouted. "What are you doing? If you want to be a part of the team, you might as well help!"

Tears welled up in Lance's eyes. "I said I'm sorry, okay?!"

Keith just scoffed as he burned the system down.

_Stupid_

_Useless_

_Broken_

_Mistake_

The thoughts came all over again, and Lance cried out in pain, absent-mindedly as he doubled over.

"Lance, are you okay?" Hunk asked.

Shoot.

"It's... it's my stomach," he lied.

"Okay, we'll be done soon, anyway. The system is just about damaged, we'll be fine. Keith, your job is done. Go with Lance to the sickbay. There should be a drawer with the ways to treat patients with it. Go, now. That's an order,"

"But Shiro, I'm fine-"

"No, Lance, you're not! You haven't been eating anything in the last few days and you always disappear into the bathroom! You are going, right now. No buts." Shiro ordered.

Lance sighed and Keith begrudgingly followed behind him.

He lead Lance to the sick room and found the cabinet. There, was a packet that instructed how to help patients with stomach issues.

"One, ask the patient to take shirt-" he began. "Ah, shit."

Shoot.

Shoot, shoot, shoot.

"I am _not _taking my shirt off," he said.

"But I have to-" Keith read them again. "Why me, God? Gosh, I-" he grunted and gained control once more.

"We have to, I'm sorry. Or else we're both going to get it trouble. Take your shirt off, I have to check your heartbeat and put a cream…" he groaned, not making eye contact.

"Take your shirt off," Keith ordered. "Come on, it's just a shirt. You do it at the pool all the time,"

That's when he broke. Everything inside him shattered, and all he wanted then was his mom, his dad, and someone to hug him and tell him he was fine.

He sobbed, his face covered in snot and sleeves soaked.

Keith and never seen someone so… vulnerable. And with every sob that came from his throat, he felt his heart break into pieces, because now he knew something was in fact wrong. And he had failed to notice.

Without thinking, Keith jumped into his arms, embracing him and letting Lance cry into his shoulder.

"Okay, Lance," he said gently. "We still have to check your stomach, 'kay?" He said, undoing the buttons of his shirt.

_What's the point of resisting, anyway?_

Lance started undoing the buttons and took his shirt off.

And there, Lance still a slobbery mess, _Keith, _the strong, fast, fierce red paladin started crying.

There were more scars than skin, his back covered and bruised, his wrist almost breaking apart, and his chest torn up in scratches and cuts. Lance, embarrassed, but his shirt back on.

"L-lance, why would you…?" His voice ended up in a whisper, cracking in the end.

Lance sobbed, wishing he could just run back into his room and hide forever.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he cried out burying his face in his hands.

"Can you tell me what… why… when?" Keith choked.

"I-" he began. "I was sick of-"

"Useless-"

"Mistake-"

He choked, as Keith handed him a glass of water and sat next to him, putting his arm around his shoulders.

"Hey," Keith said gently. "I promise I won't tell anyone. I swear."

But Lance wouldn't stop crying.

He said through tears and with a broken smile, "I'm fine,"

That's when Keith knew.

He had been lying.

It sounded exactly like he heard it when he asked him if he wanted dinner.

He covers his scars up with jokes.

But he never knew that there were real scars.

"Lance… I'm so, so sorry," Keith said, pulling him into a hug. "...but you should have told us, I couldn't imagine if-" he started.

"If you left the team…

If you left me,"

"So please, tell me what's going on so this never happens again."

Lance said his voice shaking, "It started in the beginning when I learned that I was your replacement."

Starting since _**what?! **_

"I… then when I came here, I got just so… so homesick because all I wanted was my mom's arms around me, my dad's smile, the ocean, to… to ride a bike again!" He sobbed, too ashamed to keep crying. "So… then I… I covered up my scars and sadness with jokes because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I'm sorry, then I heard Shiro laugh at me, slapped me in the face, and then you…" his voice broke.

Keith had never felt so much guilt in his entire life.

So he was half responsible for Lance's suicide attempt.

Keith broke down, pulling Lance into a hug so hard that he feels that he's about to break apart. "Lance… I didn't know you felt that way-" he choked back a sob. "I'm sorry."

And he embraced him as they both cried together holding hands.

"And you will never, ever be lonely. Lance-" he began and stopped to put his arms around his neck and look at him in the eyes. "I don't know what I would do without you," and _Lance _made the first move.

He kissed her passionately, pouring all that he had left inside it. And to his surprise, Keith kissed him back.

"I love you, mullet. You will never, ever be on your own again."

"Love you too."


End file.
